When The World Goes Insane
by xxPennyweather-Muffinfacexx
Summary: /"Yes," J.K Rowling whispered to herself. "I've hard a hard day, but Sirius Black is not real and he is not talking to me right now. I'm just tired."/ R and R!
1. Sirius Black

**A random fic I thought up while working on my Russian Revolution essay…enjoy!**

A middle aged blonde woman sat at her desk, screwing up a ball of paper and chucking it at the window, her hands shaking in frustration. She pushed her blonde wispy hair behind her ears and sighed, rubbing the bridge of her nose. "Argh!" She shouted randomly, anger overcoming good sense.

Opening up her word document, she read for five silent minutes before she again became frustrated. She slammed a button on her computer, deleting her entire day's work. "Nothing works anymore!" She grumbled, shuffling her papers aside and furrowing her brow.

"It's because you killed me," A voice said calmly. It came from a behind her, a voice that she had imagined, clearly.

J.K. Rowling massaged her temples. "Yes," she whispered to herself. "I've had a hard day, but Sirius Black is not real and he is not talking to me right now. I'm just tired."

A tap on her shoulder made her jump out of her skin. "Of course I'm real," he said snappishly. "I mean, I won't be for much longer, because you killed me."

J.K. Rowling jumped back across the room, and then realized what an opportunity this was. "You look way more like Johnny Depp than I imagined," she murmured, reaching out to trace the lines of his face. She pulled back quickly, because not matter if he was her character,. It was still weird and stalker-esque to do that to someone. Especially a rather hot someone.

"And I'm way more cheery than you make me out to be, love," Johnny-Sirius said, quite blasé, as he leant against the back of her navy couch. Joanne had the bizarre urge to burst out laughing. Who would've thought that one day her very own character would just be chilling in her living room? "Don't know why Gary Oldman played me in that bloody movie. Far too depressing, that chap. I nearly nodded off. And, my hair is not that grey!" He said, clutching a lock of his raven black hair. Of course, Joanne thought, that's the vain Sirius coming out now.

J.K. Rowling was still rocking back on her heels because of the fact that a Sirius Black who looked like Johnny Depp had turned up in her living room. "Anyway," Sirius brushed back his long hair and then gestured towards her. "The point is, I know where you live, so if you don't let me live, I _will _find you."

"Let's not be hasty," Joanne said, placating. Who knew what Sirius Black/Johnny Depp would do if he got angry?

"Hasty," Sirius said. "Hasty? You killed me off, you bloody mad woman! I'd only been in two of the books!"

She stepped forward and touched his arm, shocked to find him actually substantial. "It's alright," She soothed. "This is the way I have to write it."

"Not, it's not." He argued childishly, poking his tongue out. "Maybe you'd be finding it easier to write is I was still alive and you could introduce a bit of comic relief into the story. It's getting depressing, man. Not cool."

"I beg your pardon," Joanne gasped. He was a character and she was his writer. He was supposed to bow down to her and do what she told him to, not get his own ideas and start threatening her!

Sirius's face began to swim before her, his body becoming a smoky sort of substance. "And just remember," He gave her a toothy grin. "If I don't hunt you down and punish you, all of my fan-girls will. And I'm one of the most popular characters in the books" He jutted his chin out. "So there."

And with that, he disappeared in a puff of steam and Joanne sank to the floor. "Perhaps I shouldn't have made him so childish and arrogant," She murmured to herself. "I definitely shouldn't have made him so childish and arrogant," She said firmly.

She closed her eyes, only to see Johnny Depp-Sirius Black swimming in front of her eyelids. "Oh dear," she sighed, heading towards her computer to rewrite her entire draft.

**Review please; it'll make me cheery while studying for my History exam!**


	2. Mad Eye Moody

**Hope you like this one! The last part, where she's all, "it's definitely not pumpkin juice." I took that from Harry Potter 4 the movie! Enjoy!**

Joanne fumbled with the keys to her apartment, sighing as she got the door open, juggling bags of groceries. She blew her hair off her face and stepped into the kitchen, letting out a squeak of fear. The man with the wooden leg and mechanical eyes was standing in her kitchen overlooking the window.

At the slight noise, Mad Eye Moody whirled around and grinned nastily. "Well, lookie what we have here."

"Mad Eye?" Joanne said breathlessly, dropping her groceries and leaning against the bench, feeling faint. "Let me guess, you're here to argue your case against getting killed?"

"Quite," Mad Eye grumbled. "For a start, I'm Mad Eye Moody, woman! I don't just 'get killed' by a Dark Wizard! Honestly!"

Joanne nodded, worrying about what an angry Mad Eye would do to her neat and orderly house.

"Secondly, CONSTANT VIGILANCE!" He roared. "If that's my motto, would I really get killed off? I mean, I'm constantly vigilant!"

"Of course," Joanne placated, taking out her shopping list and writing a few notes on his speech.

"And," Mad Eye took a big breath. "Harry's an idiot for the rest of the book! He gets Dobby killed for crying out loud! If I had been there, don't you think he would have gotten into less scrapes and finished Voldemort off _before_ he managed to take over Hogwarts?"

Joanne shrugged. Truthfully, that was what added drama. Mad Eye could almost read her thoughts. "Well, God of all things Wizard and otherwise, I understand it may add drama to your story to stretch out the reign of an evil overlord, but it isn't exactly peachy for the rest of us!" He shook his head. "Do you understand battle strategy at all, woman?"

Joanne sat down at her bench top and motioned for Moody to do the same. "No?" Moody refused to sit. "Alright. Mad Eye, I had to," Joanne said pleadingly, "Please believe me."

"Alright, let's say you had to," Mad Eye said gruffly. "Did you have to have them not find my body and then have bloody Toad Face get my eye? That's just sick," he commented.

Joanne smiled gently at him and put the kettle on. "How about a cup of tea?" she asked.

Mad Eye shook his head and took a swig from his flask before standing up. "Just remember woman, I was one of the best Aurors around. I've tortured and broken countless Dark wizards and I'm sure you'd me no different. You kill me off? You'd better sleep with one eye open." He said quietly.

"CONSTANT VIGILANCE!" He roared once more, Disapparating with a small pop.

She wasn't sure what was in that flask, but it definitely wasn't pumpkin juice. Joanne put a hand to her heart. These unannounced visitors were starting to take a toll on her health.


	3. Dobby

**Alright, so I did Dobby, but I promise Fred's next! :)**

Joanne was having trouble sleeping. She was sick of her characters jumping out at her from all over the place, so when Dobby was sitting on her bed at midnight, she was only slightly surprised. Sighing, she readjusted Dobby's tea cosy slash hat and smiled tiredly. "Hello Dobby."

"Mistress Rowling," Dobby inclined his head respectfully.

"I suspect you've come to tell me why you shouldn't have died?" Joanne guessed wearily, pushing her hair off her face and hopping into the double bed, tucking her and Dobby in under the blankets.

"Not at all!" Dobby said indignantly, jumping up like an Energiser Bunny.

Joanne looked confused. "O-okay then. Did you just drop by for a cup of tea then? Cause I can …" Joanne made a move to get out of bed.

"No, no!" Dobby protested. "Dobby came to tell you what an _honour_ it was to die in your series!" His eyes were wide and glassy.

Perhaps I shouldn't have made him so jingoistic and emotional, Joanne reflected worriedly. One day he might go into cardiac arrest over being so excited to help out Harry Potter. "You wanted to die in my series?" Joanne clarified in a confused tone.

"Of course not," Dobby said sarcastically. "Forgive me, Mistress Rowling, but nobody _wants_ to die."

"Of course," Joanne motioned for him to continue. "Do tell then."

Dobby chose his next words carefully as he paced across the mattress. "Dobby is just saying, that if he had to die, Dobby is glad he died for such a noble cause as helping Harry Potter and all his friends."

Aw. Joanne felt proud that she'd made this little cutie. Maybe she shouldn't kill him off …

Dobby clapped his hands together. "Anyway, just wanted to tell you, would've been brilliant to live, but if not, I'm glad I went the way I did."

With a loud crack, Dobby was gone. Joanne smiled sadly. She hadn't gotten to say goodbye, but he had stop talking in the third person by the end of their conversation. He was growing. Maybe she really shouldn't kill him off. Turning her lamp off, she decided to think about all that tomorrow. She would re-evaluate Dobby' cuteness when it wasn't so close at hand.

And as she drifted off to sleep, Joanne realised she had offered to get a figment of her imagination a cup of tea and hadn't even batted an eye. Oh dear.

**Likies? ;)**


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